Did you know . . . God prefers Atheists?

GOD: It's true. I do.

Atheists solve their own problems instead of bothering God with them.

FAT WOMAN: Dear God, please get rid of my extra thirty pounds.

FAT MAN: Damn, I'd better do some sit-ups if I want to lose weight.

GOD: You just earned yourself a gold star!

Atheists are moral without the fear of spiritual retribution.

CATHOLIC: I don't steal because I'll go to Hell and burn for all eternity.

ATHEIST: I don't steal 'cuz it's kind of a dick thing to do.

GOD: You just stole my heart!

And Atheists never use God's name to wage wars.

PALESTINIAN FIGHTER: God promised this land to me!

ISRAELI FIGHTER: No, God promised this land to me!

ATHEIST BEATNIK: Um, see this land is a barely hospitable desert. I think I'm gonna just go live in Florida.

GOD: You can use my timeshare in Boca Raton!