MR. WIGGLES: Why do people always celebrate good things with food? It’s just a bodily necessity. Why not take a celebratory dump or a celebratory wank instead?

NEIL: Um, because celebrations are meant to be shared and those are extremely private activities.

MR. WIGGLES: I really wish you would have told me that twenty minutes earlier.

NEIL: Oh, Mr. Wiggles.

MR. WIGGLES: So, the good news, is they offered me the job. The bad news is…