NEIL: I always thought working for myself was going to be great, but boy, am I a terrible boss. I force myself to work twelve-hour days, seven days a week. Even on holidays! Nothing I do is ever good enough for me. I’m so hard to please, my morale is bordering on suicidal. And let’s not forget the constant sexual harassment. I shiver just thinking about my mid-day “relaxation” breaks.

MR. WIGGLES: You are a strange, sad man.

NEIL: There’s got to be an easier way to make a buck.