#616

Transcripts

MR. WIGGLES: Because of Anthony Weiner, there's been a lot of talk lately about sexting. Due to some recent events, I feel I must disclose my own problems with it. For the past six months, I, Mr. Wiggles, have been engaged in an illicit online affair with an underage girl. I swear to you, though, I didn't know she was sixteen. I thought she was fourteen. There was also a cleaning lady at a Motel 6, a NY City bus driver, and a waitress at a HoJo's. What's more, I accidentally tweeted pictures of my dong to all of my Twitter followers. This was a grievous mistake, it was meant to be a Facebook wall post. I apologize to you, my readers, as many of these correspondences were carried out from my public office. And, by public office, I mean the McDonald's public restroom where I do most of my "work". I pray that, with enough time and understanding, you'll forgive me. Also, should any pictures surface, I just want to add that, whenever they were taken, it was a really cold night. Thank you for your understanding during this trying time.