NEIL: Things never work out for me. It seems like I'm always making bad choices.

MR. WIGGLES: You need to do what I do. Whenever I'm faced with a decision, I just ask myself, "What would someone smarter than me do?" and I do that instead.

NEIL: So, which genius were you following when you got your penis stuck in the shower drain this morning?

MR. WIGGLES: Well, in that instance, I was asking myself, "What would someone hornier than me do?"